We have never been taught the divine way of connecting in romantic relationships. Relationships have always been endorsed to be this transactional form of connecting with another. They fill your cup and you fill theirs.
The problem with this form of connection is that it is based out of lack and not love. If my cup is not completely filled by me, every drop od love I give to another will be given by a certain amount of expectation of getting an equal if not more amount from another. This brings in certain empirical ideas in love, which in its very nature in unconditional.
If we live this empirical idea of love, it won’t be possible for us to really experience the joy, love was meant to make us feel. As Jeff and Shaleia say, ‘To have all you must give all to all’. This means that in oder to have wholeness, you need to fill your own cup and extend from the overflow. The relationship based on such a dynamic is not transactional and allows you to experience the joy of sharing a complete love with another.
This way of connecting forms the very basis of surrender.
Control, which is the opposite of surrender exists when there is a belief that the source of joy, peace, love or anything good is outside of yourselves. This makes us consistently seek for things outside of us to complete us. Now I am not saying it is wrong to desire good things, but the way of having them is not via controlling the outcome, it is by creating the experience of love within, which gives us total peace immediately and attracts the experience on the outside.
The things you desire outside is just love that you are wanting to experience within. This may sound counter intuitive, but let me explain with an example. Let’s say you want to visit some place and the idea is getting dropped and not coming into fruition. Here you can identify the places where it doesn’t feel good and love yourselves there till you feel completely peaceful.
True surrender only comes from peace.